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Thumbs Down

from The Free Refill by The Mispronouncer

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lyrics

(Listen, I’m not gonna sugarcoat this to make it easier to swallow.
I’m gonna be completely honest with you here.)

1. In a time when dubious art runs amok
There’s nothing in the world quite as a corny as a thumbs-up.
I can tell you just what I think without words.
My thumbs creep perpetually downwards.
I can’t help it if it pretty much all sucks.
“A” for effort, thumbs down for the products.
Hey, look at me: “I’m so acerbic!”
My thumb’s exhausted but I know it’s worth it.
My whole system’s so efficient
Not to mention truly consistent.
I’m a believer in equal treatment:
Thumbs down all around, I don’t need a reason.
Life’s too short for shades of gray.
In this day and age thumbs only aim two ways.
Or in my case one, my tongue doesn’t praise.
Only fools walk around with their dumb thumbs raised.

Bridge: Sometimes I wonder how it might be.
To appreciate some of the work I see.
But I already know there’s no debate.
One thing’s for sure, I never overrate.
Nobody’s safe if that helps you cope.
I’d like to like you but my thumb says “nope.”
12 billion thumbs on Earth as it spins around.
I make a point of pointing both of mine down.

Chorus: The human thumb is an amazing weapon.
I can dismiss years of work in one second.
Brace yourself for my frank appraisal: (Thumbs down).
You don’t need authority or expertise.
Just a thumb and a love of being displeased.
Brace yourself for my blunt critique: (Thumbs down).

(Wow, you know, I always took you for someone who wanted to improve,
But how are you going to improve if you can’t learn to accept my criticism?)

2. You rationalize like, “They’re just opinions.
One thumbs down can’t shake my convictions!”
You sound convincing, your tone so brave
But you say it so often that I know you’re afraid.
With a roguish wink and self-satisfied smirk
I discount whole bodies of work
In one fell swoop with just one digit.
If your art’s so frail, don’t put your heart in it.
You’re proud to announce you got some discretion
But you don’t know the power of the thumb’s direction.
Without opposable thumbs we’re just beasts
Devouring every rotten dish at the feast.
So thumbs down to both those I know and don’t know.
Thumbs down to amateurs and virtuosos.
No amount of talent or ability’s immune.
There is no reputation my thumb won’t impugn.

Bridge: You might despise me ’cause I love to judge.
But this thumb is down and it’s not gonna budge.
So if you got a beef with my thumb’s review
Last time I checked you’ve got a couple thumbs too.
Like one, two, three, four, I declare thumb war.
While you twiddle yours let me show you what a thumb’s for.
One more time, in this life I’ve found,
You can sum it all up with one thumbs-down.

Chorus: I wanna be on the forefront of the backlash
The first to dissent and the last to laugh.
Brace yourself for my candid rating: (Thumbs down)
When I’m contrary, I feel refined.
Your contribution has been declined.
Brace yourself for my curt assessment: (Thumbs down)
I’m a one-man Coliseum crowd thirsty for blood.
No free pass, no mercy for duds.
Brace yourself for my heartless sentence: (Thumbs down)
Cool and casual, unperturbed
I kick your masterpiece to the curb.
Brace yourself for my thumbs-down.

Thumbs Down: Interminable descriptions of jazz.
Dream-sequence fake-outs.
Birth scenes.
Storm scenes on ships.
Musings on the unpleasant sterility of hospitals.
Arbitrary use of the second-person point of view.
Photographs of eyeballs.
Suicide as a plot point to artificially inject your work with gravitas.

credits

from The Free Refill, released August 7, 2011
The Mispronouncer made the beat, wrote the lyrics, and performed the vocals.

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The Mispronouncer Redlands, California

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