Chorus: (I have got…
Some words I wanna lay on you)
(I have got…
Some words I wanna lay on you)

1. Dutch Schuttz
I’m the new golden calf boy wonder
Immortalized by each glaring blunder.
I’ll send you my whole body of work.
I’m sure you’re gonna love every quirk.
If you don’t like it, then you don’t get it.
I love my work, I’m my own best critic.
Poured all my heart and my soul into this.
Voilà!—it only took five minutes.
No typo can hide my genius.
Rise like demolition, fall like a phoenix.
Wanna hear about all the ways smoke wafts?
’Cause that’s all I’ve got—that’s…all I’ve got.
Namedrop some politics, make it topical.
When I say “prodigy,” y’all say “prodigal.”
Café to bistro to winery,
The only thing missing from each is me.

Chorus: (I have got…
Some words I wanna lay on you)
I wrote ‘em. Now you gotta read ‘em.
(I have got…
Some words I wanna lay on you)
I can’t make you want ‘em, but I know you need ‘em.

2. The Mispronouncer
Listen up, I stayed up late engaged
In the sacred art of putting words to page.
And now to complete this solemn practice,
I’ll need your honest, awed reactions.
This is my vision, I will not revise it.
One proofread could compromise it.
Titled either Me: Seeker or The Silent Rose.
It’s more like a poem comprised of prose
Stretched so thin you can see right through it.
Time-saver, you don’t even have to read it to review it.
And I’ll jump at any chance to compare jazz to it
Even though I don’t know anything about that music.
I’m a Famous-Writer-X times-Famous-Writer-Y-
Minus-anything-that-might’ve-made-them-famous type of guy.
I just link one allusion to another allusion
Until we fizzle to a limp conclusion.

Chorus: (I have got…
Some words I wanna lay on you)
I wrote ‘em. Now you gotta read ‘em.
(I have got…
Some words I wanna lay on you)
I can’t make you want ‘em, but I know you need ‘em.

3. (I have got…)
A list of proper nouns so you know what I like,
The heaviest hands but the plot feather-light,
Everything wrong but I’ve got to…write?
(I have got…)
A plot twist you’ve seen coming for days,
Clichés that I use in the most clichéd ways,
The world’s most clunkiest turns of phrase.
(I have got…)
A description of a super-weird drug trip,
A concept of an idea for a script,
And a brilliance logic can’t contradict.
(I have got…)
Truly skewed views of the value of shock,
No antagonist who isn’t also a jock,
Dialogue precisely like no one talks.