1. Lawman. Badge shaped like a star
Pinned to the breast of his blue flannel shirt.
He keeps meaning to polish it,
Like certain kinds of people’ll be more likely to acknowledge it.
He’s probably wrong, but there are some beliefs,
A man in his line of work needs to keep.
Like authority still holds some weight around
The blood-soaked streets and alleys of his town.
Smoking in his office,
Next door to a carpenter staying busy building coffins.
The lawman’s offended by the briskness of business,
By the fact that bullets fill them more than accidents and sickness.
Never wears a mask, mystique is for the prostitutes.
Law, man, horse, gun, no need to convolute.
Never hesitates to use force, no remorse.
The strength of the Law’s long arm is its length.

Chorus: The Long Arm of the Law doesn’t shake hands,
Doesn’t wanna shake hands, doesn’t shake hands.
Gropes in the dark. Fumbles in the unknown.
The Long Arm’s long but it’s blind and alone.
The Long Arm of the Law doesn’t shake hands,
Doesn’t wanna shake hands, doesn’t shake hands.
When the time comes it’ll curl to a fist
And strike. He prays it won’t miss.

Bridge: The Long Arm of the Law, rigid, inflexible.
Gawkers all flock to the Law for the spectacle.
It’s a pick-his-teeth-and-relax-on-the-porch night
‘Til the lynch mob heads for the jail by torchlight.
Ad in the paper: “Desperately seeking deputy.”
Never found one with a lick of integrity.
Deputized a few dogs as a joke that he didn’t share.
He’s finished looking for a reinforcement that isn’t there.

2. Lawman. Leather holster hanging
On his leather belt with a revolver inside.
He keeps meaning to oil it,
Worried that the constant wear and tear is gonna spoil it.
Nightmares about it jamming
Every morning takes it apart to examine.
Good thing he never took a wife, she would be a nervous wreck,
Gunplay seems to be the only way to earn respect.
Wanted posters posted in the post office, he’s replacing them
Whenever someone tears them down or defaces them.
Outlaws stroll into the old saloon, brazen.
Only pick a fight with him when they’re tired of evasion.
The length of the Law’s long arm has limits.
It can only reach to a finite distance.
It’ll grasp only the wind for forever
If the outlaws ever figure out how to measure.

Chorus: The Long Arm of the Law doesn’t shake hands,
Doesn’t wanna shake hands, doesn’t shake hands.
Gropes in the dark. Fumbles in the unknown.
The Long Arm’s long but it’s blind and alone.
The Long Arm of the Law doesn’t shake hands,
Doesn’t wanna shake hands, doesn’t shake hands.
When the time comes it’ll curl to a fist
And strike. He prays it won’t miss.

3. Lawman. A man of the Law
Chosen to be Its Long Arm made flesh.
He keeps meaning to retire,
But these trigger-happy dimwits won’t cease fire
Long enough for the Lawman to take two breaths.
Can’t recall not being used to death.
Long Arm of the Law, how long exactly?
“Long enough. Who’s asking?”