1. There are no good witches.
There are no hookers with hearts of gold.
Keep staring at the ashes waiting for the phoenix.
You’ve been conditioned to expect a remix.
Out of my element and into the elements.
I will erode before I petrify.
At times I think I’m not repeating myself
Only to later learn I was in fact repeating myself.
Nothing rhymes with “art.”
Go ahead and try if you’re so intelligent.
You bring two things to the table:
A lesser table and a fatal flaw.
On the outside looking in to the wrong room.
You know what happens when you choose not to assume, right?
You make a sucker out of you and me.
You make you and me sit around waiting for certainty.

Chorus: Of course you don’t get it. I can’t explain it.
You really had to be there.
Pretend to laugh along and we’ll know you’re an impostor.
You’re never getting in on this inside joke.

2. Anyone who wants to is welcome to judge me,
But it doesn’t guarantee I’m gonna show repentance.
It doesn’t guarantee I will accept the sentence.
It doesn’t guarantee that I’ll agree to pay penance.
I know exactly how to keep my hands to myself:
It’s a one-step process.
One day you wake to the patter of little feet
Coming to trample you and it’s bittersweet.
Forced introduction: “End, meet End.”
While you’re getting acquainted, I’m gonna pay rent.
I can either smile for the picture
Or I can keep my eyes open, you choose.
I can take time to smell the roses,
But I can’t take time to learn to identify them.
You know you’re being followed by a spy when
You turn around slowly and nobody’s there.

Chorus: Of course you don’t get it. I can’t explain it.
You really had to be there.
Pretend to laugh along and we’ll know you’re an impostor.
You’re never getting in on this inside joke.

Bridge: a) I’ve only seen trouble from a safe distance.
I’ve been in dozens of fire drills and not one fire.
I’ve never been to war, I’ve never been in a fistfight.
Most days courage just isn’t required.
b) If you can’t shut up, it’s best not to offer.
I’m more modeler than problem-solver.
That’s all I retained from my high school chemistry.
Even that’s enough to be accused of pedantry.
Fold your hands, bow your head:
You want to look composed if you’re ever found dead.
Before we get the plank out of your eye,
Let’s obsess for years over the speck in mine.

3. I walk around worried hoping no one offends me.
If I told you I don’t know you, would you hold it against me?
Why look into the future? It’ll be here any second.
In the present waiting for its arrival so we can wreck it.
You call it overreaching, you call it greed,
Another half-dozen miracles are all I need,
And I’ll be right back in this thing, a contender,
Looking for the first chance to surrender.
I never knew I lost an appendage
’Til the phantom pains brought back the image
Of me with a third arm, whole and blissful.
Now with just two, I feel old and crippled.
The real real joke is nobody knows
How the punchline of the inside joke goes.
Nobody’s ever been inside or been shown.
The joke is inside by itself, all alone.