1. I’m an old cowhand from the Rio Grande,
But my legs ain’t bowed and my cheeks ain’t tan.
I’m a cowboy who never saw a cow.
Never roped a steer ‘cause I don’t know how.
Sure ain’t a fixin’ to start in now.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.

2. I’m an old cowhand from the Rio Grande,
And I learned to ride, ‘fore I learned to stand.
I’m a riding fool who is up to date.
I know every trail in the Lone Star State
‘Cause I ride the range in a Ford V8.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.

3. I’m an old cowhand from the Rio Grande
And I come to town just to hear the band.
I know all the songs that the cowboys know
‘Bout the big corral where the dogies go.
I learned them all on the radio.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.

Bridge: More than a bit untrue to my roots.
Tender feet shod in shiny new boots.
Pearl-snap shirts, you can buy ‘em online
Or at thrift stores like where I got mine.
Look, a tumbleweed! That’s a photo op!
Through the saloon door, order soda pop.
And I’m all tangled in my own lasso.
Too afraid of cancer to chew tobacco.
Late for the gold rush, not even a penny in the pan.
Driving off road in a minivan.
On horseback on a guided tour,
I can’t get used to the volume of manure.
Poker game: apparel in peril,
I leave that table wearin’ a barrel.
More secure with a fence around me.
So fence me in, I could use the boundaries.
Smell of the branded flesh of cattle:
It makes me all woozy in the saddle.
The meaning of the smoke signal’s clear:
“We’ve got a fire going over here.”
No gun, it’d be me coming to harm
If I did anything anything but unarmed.
The West is rough on the dude, the greenhorn.
Those that I see, if any, I’ll warn.

4. I’m an old cowhand from the Rio Grande
Oh where the west is wild all around the borderland.
Where the buffalo roam around the zoo
And the injuns run up a rug or two
And the old Bar X is just a barbecue.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.


5. I’m a pioneer who began from scratch.
I don’t bat an eye in a shooting match.
They don’t call me “Elmer” they call me “Satch.”
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.
Yippee yi yo ki-yay.