1. Like anything worth getting, there’s a price to pay.
And that’s a shame; I was feeling kind of nice today.
But let’s do this right, let’s handle this properly.
Sometimes someone’s gotta hurt for comedy.
Not the most sought commodity, it’s true,
But if you know how to use it look what it can get you:
You can weaken will-power, unclench tight fists,
Undermine authority with a few light quips.
Getting laughs is the best medicine I know.
Everybody I meet is a part of my show.
Everybody is an audience, targets, straight men.
I yearn for their laughter even if I hate them.
I’ve got a million of ’em, I’m always on.
I’m in the middle of a bit, just play along.
I already know this warm glow won’t last.
Spare me the lecture and gimme those laughs.

Chorus: If I never get more than a laugh from you,
Well, that’s just perfect, it was all worth it.
If I ever need more than a laugh from you,
I’m not sure what I’ll do, wish I knew. (x2)

2. In the pursuit of laughs, I never balk at cost.
If I encounter a line, I just waltz across,
And gather up any laughs that are there for the taking.
If they sound authentic, I don’t care if you’re faking.
You take what you can get when you feel like you need some.
Lowering the bar, sure I’ll go for the cheap ones.
I’ve been condemning this crutch for too long.
So now I’m gonna get my wit substitute on.
Anything for a laugh, they sustain me.
The only way I really know to stay pain-free.
Whether you’re an easy or a tough nut to crack,
If you give me one laugh, I’ll keep coming back.
I’m a hack, I’m a clown, and I’m cracking wise.
I feel like I’m naked when the laughter dies.
A never-ending flood is the right amount.
Now give me all your laughs or I’ll pry ’em out.

Chorus: If I never get more than a laugh from you,
Well, that’s just perfect, it was all worth it.
If I ever need more than a laugh from you,
I’m not sure what I’ll do, wish I knew. (x2)

Outro: Forget getting rich, getting power, getting fame.
Just get laughs. J-j-just get laughs.
Forget getting girls, getting high, getting by.
Just get laughs. J-j-just get laughs.
Forget getting down, getting along, getting it on.
Just get laughs. J-j-just get laughs.
Forget getting a clue, getting real, getting over it.
Just get laughs, J-j-just get laughs.

Chorus: If I never get more than a laugh from you,
Well, that’s just perfect, it was all worth it.
If I ever need more than a laugh from you,
I’m not sure what I’ll do, wish I knew.