I’ve seen hands that are too big.
I’ve seen six-packed abdominals, I’ve seen chiseled chins.
And I’ve seen that the world is a mess.
Every one of you is afflicted.

1. A sight for sore eyes, in a poor disguise.
I’m going back to the store for more supplies.
I’m like, “Focus in America, it’s time to wear make-up.”
Last ditch efforts to prevent another break-up.
Ugly ducklings grow up to be ugly ducks.
Born into these bodies and I’m sorry, honey, but we’re stuck.
I’ll admit a positive attitude is all fine and dandy
But you won’t be grinning when you bite the razor in the eye candy.
Pigeon-toed, chicken legs, crow’s feet, bird beak:
Woke up one morning and everybody had turned freak.
If beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, that explains
Why his vision isn’t clear enough to choose to abstain.
Dry skin, hangnails, overbites, underbites.
Faces only really undiscerning mothers like.
Pockmarks, blackheads, varicose veins.
No one looks good from very close range.

Chorus: Hey, hey, hey, I’m an eyesore.
Hey, hey, hey, you’re an eyesore.
Hey, hey, so is all mankind.
If your eyes aren’t sore then you must be blind.
Hey, hey, hey, I’m an eyesore.
Hey, hey, hey, you’re an eyesore.
Hey, shortcomings on display.
We are all hard on the eyes in our own way.

2. Socialized standards of beauty are good enough.
We tried to tinker with ’em, in the end we couldn’t bluff.
Either you can try to meet ’em or appeal to a fetishist.
We all taste defeat when it’s genetics that we wrestle with.
Even our good sides are looking pretty hideous.
When no one looks pretty then you really pity idiots.
All reflective surfaces are met with dread.
We should wear a paper bag on our collective head.
I think it’s only sensible to nitpick on principle.
With the right perspective, no one’s irresistible.
No one is above being rejectable, but even
Beer goggles bow to your Desperation Spectacles.
Tell me truly how you think you’re gonna seduce me
With beauty that you gotta define that loosely.
Even near-perfect is imperfect to me.
I like to think I’m smarter than a bird or a bee.

You’re gonna tell me you wanna keep looking like yesterday’s meat slaw?
You’re gonna keep walking around, picking at that mole you wanna get rid of.

3. The magic mirror on the wall’s kind of at a loss
’Cause even the fairest of them all is covered with flaws.
We can shape up, slim down, lose some weight,
And tomorrow wake up to a new trait to hate.
We’re a species of ones on a scale of one to two.
All I see are the defects, what am I gonna do?
Cover girls don’t blush while they don’t wear much,
But you can’t fix real people with an airbrush.
Suppress your gag reflex and say you’re into me.
The relatively beautiful hide behind relativity.
The gap between Adonis and The Elephant Man
Is too tiny for the average beauty queen to understand.
We’re all dissatisfied, whatever solace that gives
But you really wanna spend your life trying to stay attractive?
Even Helen of Troy only started feeling pretty
When she saw the Greek and Trojan bodies piled ’round the city.

Chorus (2x)

Cheer: U-G-L-Y! You don’t need an alibi!
E-Y-E-S-O-R-E! You’re an eyesore and so are we!