1. You say, “The spark’s gone” like that’s bizarre.
I guess you never understood how fleeting sparks are.
I’ve got no clue what you’re fixing to do.
I’m not afraid of committing, I’m afraid of committing to you.
Look at me playing impossible-to-get.
What I like about you is that you can’t take a compliment.
Don’t tell me you call this flirting.
I call this “Prelude to Desertion.”
I hope your daddy’s gonna buy you a diamond ring,
’Cause I’m not gonna buy you any such thing.
And if that diamond ring don’t shine,
I can name at least one of us who won’t cry.
You and I met cute and we’ve got a bit of chemistry.
You plug it in your formula and figure that we’re meant to be.
I say this at the risk of dying lonely,
But why don’t you go ahead and massage your own feet?

Chorus: I’ve been thinking in the long run
You’d be wiser to ignore me.
You should never settle for me.
I would be a bad boyfriend for you.
I might be selfish,
But at least I thought to warn you.
Find a better guy to court you.
I would be a bad boyfriend for you.

2. If I’m not back in one second, don’t wait.
Our souls might be compatible, but souls don’t mate.
Wasn’t love at first sight, just a fast attraction.
But I can’t give no satisfaction.
And neither can you, but what would you expect
When we’re just a couple humans last time I checked?
If you’re gonna tango, you’re gonna need two,
But I don’t need to tango so I don’t need you.
There’s nothing I can say to defend the weak kiss
But this: “Some connections are meant to be missed.”
Obligations are trying my patience.
A couple of requests and I’m crying “high maintenance.”
I show my true colors and you show me a panic attack.
Home is where the heart drops the phony romantic act.
Hope it wasn’t me that you were getting skinny for
’Cause Wild Thing, I don’t think I love you anymore.

Chorus: I’ve been thinking in the long run
You’d be wiser to ignore me.
You should never settle for me.
I would be a bad boyfriend for you.
I might be selfish,
But at least I thought to warn you.
Find a better guy to court you.
I would be a bad boyfriend for you.

3. a) I can be a bit coarse so I hope I’m not offending
But my silly little baby dolly hates it when I’m condescending.
If you keep asking, I might tell you what I’m thinking.
Even rats know to flee the ship when it’s sinking.
You wanna know if I’m the one so you look for a sign.
Here’s one: I’m not. There’s a weight off your mind.
I’m not quiet ’cause I’m mad, I’m just plotting escape routes.
Forget making out, girl, let’s make doubt.
b) I’m the dead weight in your perfect story.
You and I are a match made in Purgatory.
If I’m the man of your dreams, I’d hate to see
How rotten the men in your real life must be.
You tell me now your dad didn’t like my handshake?
Well, I didn’t care for your mother’s special pancakes.
Just remember all the aggravation I caused.
I’m not the one that got away, I’m the bullet that you dodged.

Chorus: I’ve been thinking in the long run
You’d be wiser to ignore me.
You should never settle for me.
I would be a bad boyfriend for you.
I might be selfish,
But at least I thought to warn you.
Find a better guy to court you.
I would be a bad boyfriend for you.

Out: And this feels like it should be the last time.
And I feel like we should feel like that’s fine. (x4)